


fall headfirst like paper planes in playground games

by thekaidonovskys



Series: Becoming Three [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory Implications, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Suicide Attempt Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekaidonovskys/pseuds/thekaidonovskys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because as horrible as it sounds, they all thought if it had been anybody, it would’ve been Herc. Or even Mako, Mako who lost her father figure in the final battle, or Raleigh with his already blatantly obvious PTSD being forced back into battle or… or god, even one of them, the two idiot scientists who drifted with Kaiju. Not Tendo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fall headfirst like paper planes in playground games

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted by Tumblr user thekaidonovskys. Please mind the warnings. Pre-polyamory.

The phone rings at a godawful hour and Newt, grumbling under his breath, answers. “‘Lo?” he mumbles into the phone as Hermann stirs, half sitting up and blinking blearily at him. 

“Dr. Geiszler? This is the Sydney Hospital. I’m calling because you are listed here as the emergency contact for Mr. Tendo Choi.”

“Tendo?”

Newt blinks, rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and tries to figure out how  _he’s_ been called and then he remembers the first day of Jaeger Academy, the guy with way too much gel and him in his tight jeans and leather jacket and they’d clicked immediately because how could they not? And when they were filling in that damnable amount of paperwork the next day, when they both hesitated over emergency contact and read the look in one another’s eyes, they shrugged and swapped pages, filling in their details for one another. They had nobody else.

Newt’s details have changed of course - Hermann is his emergency contact now.

But Tendo’s must still be Newt. 

And all of that processes in a heartbeat, in the moment before he replies, cold sweeping through him - because he’s suddenly realised that it’s the  _hospital_ calling, that means something’s wrong, something’s wrong with  _Tendo_ and Newt usually hears from him about once every couple of weeks but now he realises that it’s been over a month and god, shit,  _shit_ , what - “Yeah, yeah, I’m his emergency contact,” he says quickly. “What - what’s happened? Is he okay?”

“How soon could you come in?”

“I’m -“ Newt chokes back a slightly hysterical laugh that comes out of nowhere. “I’m in Switzerland,” he says. “I can definitely get on the next plane -“ and Hermann, bless him, immediately pulls over his tablet and begins searching for flights, “ - but please, just tell me -“

“Mr. Choi was brought in half an hour ago with severe lacerations to his forearms. He is unconscious and has not yet been woken, but we believe it was a suicide attempt.”

And if he thought he was cold before, now he’s ice. 

He gets through the rest of the conversation mechanically, confirming details and giving information about their flights once Hermann slides the tablet over. They can’t tell him much when he asks about his condition, but they at least use the word  _stable_ which is a hell of a lot better than  _unstable_. But either way, it’s bad. It’s very bad. 

When he hangs up, Newt sees the time. 5am, which makes it 2pm in Sydney. And there’s something about the fact that it’s not the middle of the night over there, it’s not one of those things that creeps up on you when the lights are switched off, it’s bold and blatant and… that makes it so real. And for a few minutes, Newt can only sit, stunned.

Hermann is an absolute saint. He packs, quickly, enough for both of them for at least a few days, then tosses the bag on the bed and sits next to Newt. “We have two hours before we need to be at the airport, at the latest,” he says quietly. “I don’t know what’s happened and you don’t have to tell me, at least not yet, but I need you to talk, to say something, just so I know you’re okay.”

“I - I am,” Newt says, and Hermann nods. “Herm… he -“ He pauses, swallows, tries to speak the unfathomable words. “He tried to kill himself.”

Hermann closes his eyes for a long moment. “I had hoped it wasn’t…” he murmurs, then opens his eyes again. “Okay,” he says, his voice weary. “Let’s get you dressed, and we’ll go to the airport.”

Newt lets Hermann do most of the work. He’s numb.

***

The flight takes twenty-two hours, and the whole time Newt’s afraid it’s going to be too late.

He sleeps for a bit, tries to do a bit of work but finds himself pushing it away, too worried to concentrate. He stares absently out the window, stares absently at the back of the seat in front of him and, when it’s all too much, puts his head on Hermann’s shoulder and stares absently at the back of his own eyelids.

Hermann holds his hand the entire way and doesn’t say a word. He’s perfect like that.

***

They check in at a hotel that Hermann’s booked, and Hermann stops him when Newt dumps the bags and turns to walk back out the door. “Ten minutes,” he says. “Have a shower, freshen up.”

“Hermann, I don’t give a fuck -“

“Tendo is going to be in a bad way,” Hermann says calmly. “If he sees us bedraggled and worn out, he’s going to feel even worse. We need to look like we are in control. The hospital hasn’t called, which means he’s still alive, so we have time. Do this for him.”

And because Hermann really is the only one who knows what’s happening right now, Newt still running on a haze of muted emotion, he agrees and lets Hermann get him into the shower. He still doesn’t speak, doesn’t do much at all while Hermann takes care of him. His mind is slowly waking up to the truth of the situation.

It’s still not matching up, though.

Because as horrible as it sounds, they all thought if it had been anybody, it would’ve been Herc. Or even Mako, Mako who lost her father figure in the final battle, or Raleigh with his already blatantly obvious PTSD being forced back into battle or… or god, even one of  _them_ , the two idiot scientists who drifted with Kaiju. 

Not Tendo. 

Never Tendo. 

Hermann helps him get dressed again, and for a moment Newt clings to him. “Tell me he’s going to be okay,” he murmurs into his neck.

“He will,” Hermann promises, stroking his back. “He’s got us to take care of him now.”

Newt’s going to hold him to that. 

***

When they enter the hospital room, Newt can’t help but make a small whimpering sound, and clutches tighter to Hermann’s arm. 

Tendo looks so  _small_. Pale, no gel or lurid bow ties, just a hospital gown and bandages wound all up his forearms and there’s kind of no doubt now about what happened, what he did, this is as real as it’s going to get. 

They pull up chairs, Newt keeping a hold on Hermann, who looks teary-eyed. “We can’t leave him here,” Newt says. “We… we  _can’t_.”

And maybe it’s something they should’ve discussed earlier, but Hermann - who is a  _saint_ , Newt’s not even sure how many times he’s thought that already - just nods. “Of course we cannot. He’ll come back to Switzerland with us, or we’ll stay here.”

“Thank you.”

“Hush. None of that. You know I care for him too.”

Of course he does, Hermann’s known Tendo for ages as well but… but this is  _different_. Because Tendo was Newt’s first friend, the first person who he liked spending time with and could get along with and right from that first moment when they realised that the other was also alone in the world, they know they’d be getting along. And for all those years at the Shatterdome, even when they’d been floors apart and interactions were limited with the end of the war imminent, they were still the best of friends.

Tendo was Newt’s first friend  _ever._

Except Newt went and found someone else, and Tendo’s been left alone. 

He’s left Tendo alone.

And no matter what the actual cause is - which they’re going to have to find out, they need to know what’s happened - Newt knows that this is at least partially his fault. 

He doesn’t tell Hermann that, knows he’ll get a lecture at the very least, so just stays quiet and clings to Hermann tight. Tendo’s stirring a little and Newt knows he has to get control of himself, to look strong just like Hermann said, but for the few moments he can he’s going to take all his comfort from Hermann just to get through this.

When he finally sits up, Hermann kisses him on the forehead and Newt manages a smile. Then he turns back to Tendo, who’s definitely waking up, and prepares himself for whatever may come next. 

Tendo slowly opens his eyes and they both stay still and quiet. He blinks at the ceiling, then must catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of his eye and turns his head sharply. “Oh shit,” he murmurs, propping himself up on his elbows. “They flew you two out from  _Switzerland?_ Fuck, of course they did, you’re still my contact, I’m  _really_ sorry -“

Absolutely amazed that  _that’s_ what Tendo is worried about, Newt shakes his head. “No, man, don’t even worry about it. Of course we were going to come. How - how are you feeling?”

Tendo chuckles bitterly and lets himself collapse back into the bed. “Yeah, I’m going to say not my best at this precise moment. My only comfort is that you weren’t here yesterday.”

“Our comfort is that you are here today,” Hermann says gently, and damn it if Hermann doesn’t always know  _exactly_ what to say. “We are very relieved to see you, Tendo.”

Tendo exhales shakily, then presses the heels of his palms against his eyes. “No, you can’t be  _nice_ to me,” he groans. “I’m the selfish bastard who forgot to take Newt’s name off my emergency contact list before I tried to do myself in - and I’m the idiot who couldn’t do the job  _right_.”

Newt bites back a sob and squeezes Hermann’s hand tight. “Well thank fuck for that,” he says, his own voice trembling a little. “Tendo -“

“Don’t. Please, please don’t.” Tendo uncovers his eyes and his hands are shaking. He’s breathing a little unsteady and Newt sees the absent movement, Tendo reaching for his wrist, then stopping when he only finds bandages. But Hermann - and  _bless_ Hermann,  _seriously_ \- is there, picking up the rosary from the beside table and handing it to him. “Thanks, man,” Tendo murmurs, and begins turning it in his fingers. They both understand, both have calming routines of their own, and wait it out until he’s breathing steadily again. “Okay,” he says. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I am, though. Sorry for all of this. I should’ve either been strong enough not to try it at all or good enough to actually do it right. But you guys don’t have to stay, alright? I’ll go back to - I mean, I’ll find somewhere to stay -“

“None of that,” Hermann cuts in, and his voice is sharp enough that Tendo and Newt both snap to attention. They’re both extremely familiar with Hermann’s  _enough of this bullshit_ voice. “Tendo Choi, now that you have just admitted that you have nowhere to live, you really think we are leaving? And beyond that, we came to see you and see that you are okay, and we are staying until we are convinced of that. Now, I understand you have been through excessive trauma in the past twenty-four hours, and probably beyond that too to reach this point, but you will not push us away this easily. Especially not Newton.”

Tendo sighs, but it sounds a little relieved. “I guess - well, since I’m  _here_ , I guess I’m happy to see you guys. And if you want to stay and… and keep coming to see me - they say I’m gonna need a few more days of observation, there’s a big infection risk apparently - then I’m not going to argue.”

“Good,” Newt says. “I’ve… I’ve missed you, man.”

And he only just realizes how true that really is. 

Tendo closes his eyes and swallows hard. “Yeah, me too. I should’ve called more -“

“So should I.”

They just look at one another helplessly for a few moments before a nurse comes in. “Visiting hours are over,” she informs them. “You’ll be able to return at 10am.”

“Get some sleep, okay?” Newt says as they stand. “We’ll come back in the morning.”

“You don’t have to -“

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Newt says firmly, and steps forward to brush his hair off his forehead. He can’t help it. “And if anything at all goes wrong, you and the staff have my number; I want to hear about it instantly. Okay?”

Tendo nods. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“Think nothing of it,” Hermann says gently. “We’re here for you.”

They leave Tendo with his rosary beads still clicking softly away in his fingers.

And because Hermann’s perfect, he gets Newt to a quiet corridor and pulls him into his arms just as Newt breaks down completely. 

***

They return in the morning, as promised, and stay the whole day. Tendo’s on painkillers and is a bit woozy at some points, but he’s lucid enough for the most part that they can all talk. They keep it light and unassuming, talking mostly about the war and the Shatterdome. The good times. 

Hermann leaves for a while in the middle of the day, gone to get himself and Newt lunch, and Newt draws his chair a little closer. “I’m not going to push anything,” he says, hesitating a little before taking Tendo’s hand, very carefully not touching the bandages. “But you know I’m here for you, right? Whatever you need.”

Tendo nods. “I know. You always have been.”

“Not enough. I should have known something was wrong when I hadn’t heard from you in awhile, I just let myself get busy and didn’t think and -“

“It’s okay. Really. You’re not - you don’t have to look after me.”

“You’re my friend. My… my best friend. Of course I do. And I’m going to now, okay? Especially now.”

“I - yeah. Yeah, okay.” Tendo swallows hard, then sits himself up further in the bed and tentatively opens his arms, Newt immediately but gently hugging him. “Thanks, man,” he murmurs into his shoulder. “Really.”

“Hey, it’s what I’m here for.”

They’re laughing by the time Hermann gets back, reminiscing about Jaeger Academy, and Hermann watches them with a smile. And even with the undercurrent of  _things are still bad, very bad, Tendo still tried to…_ Newt’s happy. Happy that his friend is here.

***

Tendo’s released four days after they arrive, arms still bandaged to the elbows but hidden under Newt’s jacket as he and Hermann walk him out. “I suppose I’d better find somewhere to -“

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Newt says firmly. “Seriously, man. You’re coming with us.”

“I don’t want to be -“

“One, the doctors released you into our care,” Hermann says, waving a taxi over. “And two, I have your bandages, which somebody needs to change for you tonight and for the next three nights. For both the sake of medical enforcement and practicality, it certainly makes sense for you to come with us.”

“And we want you,” Newt adds. “Really and honestly, so please get in the taxi.”

Tendo does. It’s an important step, because from this point he’s not being let out of their sight. Plain and simple.

***

Settled in the hotel room, they reach the first hurdle. 

Tendo looks more and more worried as the clock nears six, and when it finally hits he sighs. “Who drew the short straw?” he asks.

“Stop thinking of yourself as such a burden,” Hermann says as he picks up the fresh bandages and brings them over, sitting down across from Tendo. “Arms on the table.”

“It’s -“ Tendo hesitates, looking down at his arms. “It’s not nice, okay? I mean, it was never going to be but it’s…”

“Tendo, I have experience with this,” Hermann says gently. “I know what I’m about to see.”

Tendo starts, as does Newt. “You what?”

Hermann smiles, but it’s sad. “I spent a lot of time in the hospital growing up,” he says. “I once shared a room with a young girl for a week who had also attempted suicide in the same manner, and I often held her hand while they changed her bandages.”

Newt never knew that, and reminds himself to discuss it with Hermann later. Tendo looks apologetic as he lays his arms on the table, forearms up. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And I’m sorry I’m making you do it again.”

“Oh, hush,” Hermann says, and begins unravelling the bandages.

Newt puts his hands on Tendo’s shoulders. “Hermann’s very good at looking after people. You wouldn’t think it to look at him, he’s so fucking stern.”

Tendo chuckles, but sobers quickly as his arm comes into view. Newt’s standing behind Tendo, and thank god for that because he can’t quite control his shock as the extent of the damage Tendo’s done to himself is revealed. Hermann examines the stitched up wounds and nods, moving on to the other arm. “No signs of infection. I presume you required tetanus shots?”

“Yeah, and whatever else they decided to pump into me while I was out.”

“Might I ask what…?”

“Rusted serrated knife,” Tendo says quietly and Newt winces. Hermann doesn’t even react. “It was all I could find,” Tendo adds. “I know it was stupid and I should have at least -“

“There is zero judgement in this room,” Hermann says calmly. He finishes looking at the other arm, then reaches for the bandages. “We have plastic wrap so you can cover the bandages for the next few days while you shower, and then your stitches while they are still sensitive. There’s also plenty of cream so you don’t scratch them, as they will start to itch after a time, and then oils to help reduce scarring.”

“Oh man, you’re too good to me.”

“It’s exactly what you deserve,” Newt says, squeezing his shoulders. 

Tendo doesn’t reply, and something in Hermann’s expression means Newt’s pretty sure he’s started crying. He keeps his grip on his shoulders and Hermann bandages up his arms and they stay quiet and let him begin to heal. 

***

There’s someone screaming in the middle of the night, and it’s not Hermann. 

Newt’s out of bed and halfway to the door before his mind catches up but he knows, of course he knows, it’s Tendo in the other room and honest to god he’s  _hoping_ it’s a nightmare because any other reason for him screaming in the middle of the night five days after trying to commit suicide…

It is a nightmare, and when Newt bursts in he finds Tendo on the ground, curled around himself. He’s not screaming anymore and his eyes are open, but there’s a dark stain blossoming through part of one of his bandages. Newt swears and crouches next to him, but keeps a careful distance. “Tendo?” he says. “Hey, man, can you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Tendo says, and his voice is surprisingly steady, even with tears still running down his cheeks. “Guess you heard me.”

“Uh-huh.” Newt hears Hermann reach the door, pause, then disappear again. “Let’s get you off the ground, alright?”

He helps Tendo stand, then sits him on the edge of the bed, Newt sitting next to him. “Sorry,” Tendo murmurs. “I didn’t -“

“I know. It’s okay. Do you - do you want to talk about it?”

Tendo shakes his head, wiping furiously at his eyes, then pausing when he catches sight of his bandages. “Oh, fuck, what’d I -?”

Hermann chooses then to return with the first aid box, sitting on Tendo’s other side. “Let’s take a look,” he says calmly. “I’m sure it’s not too bad.”

There’s blood but Hermann cleans it up, then gets some of the sutures out of the box and sticks Tendo’s arm back together. It’s only one area that’s split, and Hermann assures them that the doctors said it was normal enough. “Good,” Tendo says, relieved. “Really didn’t want to have to go back there.”

Hermann puts the box at his feet, and they stay sitting on either side of him for awhile. Tendo doesn’t speak, doesn’t look at them, just clicks away at his beads. But he doesn’t ask them to go, either, and they’re taking that as silent admission that their presence is wanted. 

“You guys should get back to sleep,” Tendo says after awhile.

“Are you gonna go back to sleep?” Newt asks.

“Probably not.”

“Then we’re not going anywhere.”

They sit through to the early hours of the morning, until, when the light is just beginning to change outside the windows, Tendo finally drifts off. Newt tucks the blankets around him and looks at him for a moment, Hermann’s arms encircling his waist. Then they return to their own bed.

When they all wake, late in the morning, nobody speaks of it. 

***

They’re watching television, Hermann and Newt curled on one couch and Tendo hunched up in the odd little armchair every hotel seems to provide. Newt’s noticed that he likes to keep himself small, but doesn’t comment on it, knowing it’s a safety thing. They’re watching some pre-war movie, some awful romance that nobody can be bothered to switch off, when a man slips up behind a woman from behind and whispers in her ear what he’d like to do to her, and Tendo absolutely flips out. 

Newt at least has the presence of mind to switch off the show as Hermann drops to his knees in front of Tendo’s chair. Newt knows he’ll be paying for that tomorrow, but for now he shows no sign of pain. “Tendo,” he says firmly, loud enough to be heard over Tendo’s hyperventilating. “You’re okay. You’re safe. I know it’s frightening but it’s okay, you’re okay. I need you to try and breathe.”

Tendo manages to catch a breath but he’s sobbing too, and it’s all just awful and Newt’s absolutely helpless. Thank god Hermann knows what he’s doing. “Newton,” he murmurs to him, “go make a cup of tea, lots of sugar. He’ll need it when he comes down.”

Newt goes, glad to have something to do, and keeps an ear out as he makes it. He hears Hermann’s continued reassurances, Tendo’s harsh breathing settle, and finally the sobs cease. When Newt returns, Tendo’s still curled around himself, still crying, but holds his hands out for the mug when Newt brings it over. “Thanks,” he murmurs and drinks half of it, even though it’s probably burning his mouth. “God. I’m really -“

“You can stop that sentence there,” Hermann says. “That was not your fault. There are always triggers in the aftermath of traumatic situations, and you cannot control your response. You did very well in calming down.”

Tendo gives him a half smile. “Thanks, man. You’re pretty calming.”

Usually Newt would make a joke about not flirting with his partner, but he can definitely tell it’s not the time. He silently returns to the kitchen and makes another three mugs of tea, swapping Tendo’s empty mug for one of them before helping Hermann off his knees and back to the couch. “Thank you, love,” Hermann murmurs when Newt hands him his. “How about you put on one of those ridiculous sci-fi movies that you two love so much?”

Newt grins and looks over at Tendo, who smiles back. “What do you want to watch?” he asks.

“ _The Empire Strikes Back?_ ”

“Oh, dude, do you  _still_ think that’s the best one?”

“Until you give me solid evidence that anything trumps it, I’m sticking to my beliefs.”

Newt gives an exaggerated sigh, but digs it out and puts the disc in. “I’ll suffer through it for you.”

“You think  _you’re_  suffering?” Hermann complains, and they both laugh. 

Twenty minutes in, Tendo’s attention is riveted and Newt curls into Hermann’s side, sipping his tea. “You did really well with that,” he murmurs quietly into Hermann’s ear. “Something else you have experience with?”

“A little.”

“Wish I’d known what to do.”

“You did fine, love. All he needs is a voice to guide him out of the panic. You can certainly do that.”

“I hope so. There’s a lot of panic still left in him, I can tell.”

“It’ll be a long recovery,” Hermann acknowledges. “But we’re up for it.”

Newt silently agrees, and they sit back and watch the  _godawful_ film that Tendo loves so much, just so he can smile. Because dear god does he need to. 

***

The bandages come off, the stitches begin to dissolve, and Tendo’s free to go wherever he likes. Newt and Hermann check with the hospital, make sure there’s nothing he needs, then sit down and have a long discussion one night after he’s gone to bed. 

They’re both on the same page, of course. It’s just about how to convince him.

In the end, they decide to try the simple approach. 

***

“We want you to come to Geneva with us,” Newt says the next morning. 

Tendo stares at them for a few seconds, then promptly bursts into tears and hugs them both hard.

They take it as a yes.

***

“Of course you’ll live with us,” Newt says as Tendo tentatively brings it up on the flight back. “At least at first, and for as long as you like after that.”

“But… does Hermann -“

Newt sighs and gently nudges Hermann, asleep on his shoulder. “What?” Hermann mumbles irritably. 

“Where’s Tendo gonna live?”

“With us, of course. Now shut up, I’m sleeping.”

Tendo still doesn’t look convinced. “But I have nightmares… flashbacks and panic attacks and - and all that shit and it’s not fun -“

“All the more reason for you not to do it alone.”

Tendo goes quiet then, turning to look out the window. Newt suspects he’s crying, and, knowing that means it’s a yes, leaves him to it. 

***

It’s not easy. They never expected it to be.

There are nightmares almost every night, and it’s never the same reaction. Sometimes Tendo won’t let anybody near him, panics if they get too close, and sobs himself back to sleep while they wait helplessly outside until he’s worn himself out. Sometimes he’ll sit on the floor and Newt or Hermann (or both) will sit with him, in silence, until he chooses to go back to bed. Sometimes he’ll want to talk about things of no consequence, or have whoever’s there tell him about their work. Sometimes he’ll cry on their shoulders. 

They work through it.

***

For the first few days in Geneva, they have to watch him constantly. Tendo is still a little too wide-eyed at times, and he’s banned from the kitchen after Hermann finds him staring at the knives in something akin to a trance. Newt digs him up a patch of land and builds him a garden, and somehow it settles him, calms Tendo right back down if he’s on the verge of a panic attack.

Sometimes the panic attacks happen anyway and that’s where Hermann takes over, gentle but commanding, pushing him through. Once, Hermann isn’t there, but Newt manages, even though his heart is thrumming wildly in his chest almost as bad as Tendo’s. 

They get him to start seeing a therapist. At first it goes badly, Tendo refusing to talk, but after a week, they see the first signs of a change. He had been going two times a week, but he asks to bump it up to three and they’re only too happy to oblige, no matter how guilty he feels about them paying for it. Money isn’t an issue here. 

***

After the first fortnight, Hermann goes back to work. Newt stays, half to be sure and half because he doesn’t like the idea of Tendo being alone, no matter his mental state. Tendo promises Newt he can be trusted, and, reluctantly, Newt returns to work the week later. 

On the second day back, he gets a wild and frantic call from Tendo and races home to find him in the shower, fully clothed, with steaming hot water drenching him. He’s sobbing, and a broken razor has been flung across the bathroom. When Newt learns that it’s there so Tendo didn’t hurt himself, not because he had, he’s overwhelmed with relief. 

He takes Tendo to work with him the next day - his superiors don’t mind, they know of Tendo after all and he might be struggling right now but he’s not lost any of his intelligence. Newt gives him a couple of things to work over, similar to the things he did in the control station, and watches as the light returns to Tendo’s eyes. Tendo had always loved his job, and Newt begins to put a few of the pieces together when he does a quick search about what exactly Tendo had been assigned to do at the Sydney facility. Or  _not_ do, as it turns out. 

Tendo comes back the next day. And the next. 

On the fourth day, Newt’s boss offers Tendo a job. He hesitates, then comes clean about the past month. 

They still offer him the job. He takes it. 

***

A week later, Newt realizes he’s only been woken twice by nightmares in the past ten days. Tendo’s putting on weight, the garden is flourishing and he’s already looking at a promotion. 

And he’s smiling. A lot. 

Just like he used to.

Newt finally begins to relax. 

***

Two months later, almost to the day that Newt got the phone call, Tendo tells them why.

“I was just so useless,” he says quietly, beads clicking between his fingers, Newt’s arm around his shoulders. “They didn’t want me - they wanted  _Tendo Choi_ , because he was awesome in the war, y’know? But their facility had nothing for me to do and you know me, I’m not the pioneering type, give me work to do and I’m going to do it really well but I can’t just make things up. They wanted a strong hero or a scientist and I’m not either. I’m just… me. And they hated it, realised super quick that they’d made a mistake with me, but they didn’t want to dismiss me and if I left I had nowhere to go -“

“You did,” Hermann says gently. He’s on Tendo’s other side, holding his hand - because while Tendo still panics at most physical contact, he seems to crave it from Newt and Hermann, who are only too happy to oblige. “You could have come here.”

“I didn’t know I’d get a job. After six months of nothing to do and being made to feel like I was useless, I figured that nobody would hire me, especially not with the PTSD, I was still having fucking Kaiju nightmares… still do. And everybody else was doing so well - Mako and Raleigh with their Drift teaching and you two always changing the world and all the techs doing what they’re used to and… and my job was naming Kaiju and watching the breach. The breach is closed. What was left for me? And then… that was when -“ He pauses and takes a deep breath and they’ve figured it out anyway, all the clues have been there, but they know Tendo needs to say it so they wait patiently. “That’s when I got raped,” he finally says, his voice small but unbroken. “Three guys who worked there, locked me in one of their rooms and… and took me one at a time then kicked me out and threatened to kill me if I ever told.”

“Did you report it?” Newt asks. 

“Who was I going to tell? Nobody at the facility cared, and I knew getting the cops involved wasn’t gonna happen because Australia’s still struggling with the whole authority thing after years of war and shit like that happens all the time there. And they were big guys and I’m not… I can’t defend myself. I believed them when they said they were gonna kill me, and so I - well, I just decided to do the job before they could.”

“There was nobody you could have confided in?”

Tendo shakes his head. “I’ve never gotten along with people…  _ordinary_ people, the ‘dome was brilliant for me because we had you guys and the pilots and the rest of the world could only look up to us from the outside but I’m not suited to the outside. And I was unhappy and frightened and I couldn’t escape, not even when I was asleep because I dreamt of it and kept reliving it, and I… didn’t really have anything else to live for.”

Newt hugs him, and Tendo’s scarred arms tentatively encircle him. “And do you realize how untrue that is now?” he asks.

“Yeah, man,  _god_ yeah. I mean, I’m still… I’m not okay. Not yet. It still hurts sometimes and there’s definitely still the bad days and - but I think I might be okay one day, okay enough to stand on my own feet, and that’s… it’s enough.”

“And we’ll be here, no matter how long that takes,” Hermann says. “You are not alone.”

Newt draws him into the hug too and they stay together for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of my polyamorous Newt/Hermann/Tendo verse - probably my most extensive verse in this fandom. It gets way fluffier from here (but naturally doesn't belittle what Tendo has gone through, just helps him recover)
> 
> Title from "Starry Eyed".


End file.
